Staying Focused

I am quite often reminding my coaching clients to stay focused and not multi task and to not listen to negative tapes in their head. I gave myself a reminder why on Friday.

I have a major dog show coming up soon, and I thought it would be fun to camp out rather than stay in a hotel. I used to show dogs in the 70s and 80s and always camped out. I had a tent that was still in the box. It had been a great deal when it was on sale so I picked it up. Now I will finally get to use it. I manage to find it and took it out in the yard and opened the box. No damage from mice, so far so good! I opened the tent bag and laid it out. Next I opened the tent pole bag and for one of the first times, I read the directions.  It clearly stated that there should be 2 short poles and 5 tent poles. I was putting the poles together and immediately realized that I had 2 long poles and the others were short. My inner voice kicked in letting me know that I should have checked this out when I bought it, I always do things like this, etc. My inner voice was on a roll! Of course I am arguing back to no avail.

I went inside to call the company to see if I could get the correct poles. A young woman came on the line. I explained that I knew I had purchased the tent more than a year ago so the warranty was out of date, but I just wanted to order a couple of additional poles. She asked the model number and I gave it (quite proud that for once I had all the information. Take that inner voice!) She asked for the model number again to make sure she had heard me correctly and then exclaimed, “That model hasn’t even been manufactured since 2002!!!” My guess is, she was probably just entering high school then and it seemed a period of the dark ages to her. My tent should be in a museum. Maybe I am a relic for the museum, my inner voice added. “Well, I guess it has been longer than I realized. Can you help me with the poles?” The answer was no.

Back outside and my inner voice was at it again and I was arguing back as I was putting tent poles in the bag and thinking about buying another tent etc. That was when I realized that I needed to stop, become present, give my inner voice some kind of treat and suggest it go lay down and be quiet. I took some deep breathes, appreciated the beauty around me as well as the occasional pine cone which the squirrels were now taking great glee in tossing at me.

I opened the tent pole bag again, put the poles together, and realized that while the instructions called the two extra poles short, they were long. I used the other poles to put the tent up and those two poles went right in over the side openings and my tent was perfect!! I went in, flopped down to look at the trees and sky and reminded myself of the reason for staying focused.

As you become more aware of the conversations you have with yourself, the sooner you will stop them. Martha Beck has a wonderful book entitled Steering by Starlight. She talks about taming your inner lizard which is that voice. I highly recommend the book and I recommend everyone learn to become friends with your inner lizard!

 

 

Setting a Course!

“Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the cruise to nowhere!! We have just left the dock and there should be an ocean current picking us up at any moment. I don’t know where we will be going but if this leads us into that hurricane, hang on for a wild ride and we will end up somewhere!”

How many of you feel like this is your life at times? And why? Well, if you don’t have clear goals and have a course set, you will find yourself drifting through life. Business owners have several business plans, anywhere from a 1 yr. plan, 3 yr., 5 yr., and often a10 yr. plan. They are constantly reviewing these plans in case there is a major shift in the winds of change. If they are willing to invest that much time and planning in a business, and businesses come and go, shouldn’t we invest just as much in our life? After all, we only have one life and we want to make the most of it.

I work with my clients to help them set the course they need to have the life they desire! An outside perspective can help as well as having someone there to support and to hold them accountable. You are the Captain of your own ship, but remember, every Captain has a navigator and crew along to help! I hope you this week brings you only smooth sailing and sunny skies!!!!

Your Most Important Conversations

Who do you talk to the most every day? Your spouse? Your children? The boss? Your dog? The answer is that we spend the majority of time talking to ourselves. From the time we wake up in the morning, we have conversations running in our mind.

Are you aware of how those conversations influence your behavior and attitude? We can bring ourselves up or down be successful or fail all based on our self talk. When I hear a friend or client making a derogatory statement about themselves, I say, “I do not like hearing you talk that way about someone that I like and respect.” Their response is usually, “I wasn’t talking about someone else, I was just talking about myself.”  My point exactly. When you make a negative comment to yourself, ask if you would ever say that about your best friend. You wouldn’t because you would be aware of how it could negatively impact them. So why don’t we have the same concern and respect for ourselves?

Be aware of the tapes running in your mind. You can reprogram the negative to positive. It will make a change in your attitude and behavior.  The first step is to be aware. The second is to ask where did the statement come from? Are you repeating things you heard while growing up or is it more recent? Ask yourself if the statement is absolutely true? Then restate it as a positive.

Find times during the day to give yourself a pep talk. Each time you wash your hands tell yourself something positive. While at work, each time you get out of your chair, use that as a trigger to remember to give yourself some motivation. It takes practice, but over time you will notice the difference.

New Year’s Resolution

Did you make a New Year’s Resolution this year? If so you had a lot of comapny! Approximately 88% of Americans made resolutions. Unfortunately, by the end of the first week of January, 28% will have broken that resolution. 68% will be done within the first 3 months of the new year! Only 15% of those who make resolutions actually keep them for 1 year or more.

Why do so many people fail?

First you have to really want to accomplish what you say. It has to be your goal not one someone else made for you.

Second, it has to be clear. Use SMART goals – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time limited.

Third, and maybe most important, you need to share this goal with someone who will be able to support and hold you accountable to the completion. This is why so many people who are successful work with a coach.

As a coach, I help people to set realistic goals and I hold them accountable. I ask the hard questions that friends and family might not. I know when to challenge and when to support.

In my own life, I have a riding instructor, a personal trainer, and a business coach. I have set my goals for 2009 and I am confident these wonderful people in my life will make sure I am able to achieve them.

Don’t be part of the larger statistic. Achieve your goals and live the life you truly want! Make 2009 the year you will succeed at all you set forth to do!!

Equine Assisted Learning

How many of you are familiar with learning from horses? Probably not many, but it is a great form of training. It was recently featured on NPR much to my surprise. They were at a program in upstate New York. The lead in was “A new way to train corporate executives and it involves horses!”

Horses have an amazing ability to act a mirror for us. You can’t lie to the horse! I use horses to teach soft skills such as communication, leadership, problem solving, and team building. It is a great alternative for those companies who have tried the more traditional approach of the ropes course or other outdoor activities. Each activity with the horse can be directly related back to what is happening in the workplace which is an advantage over the other approaches.

All of the programs have one person who is the human facilitator and the other is a horse facilitator. I am very fortunate to have Paulajean O’Neill as the horse facilitator. She has years of experience with horses and training. Her horses have also demonstrated that they are excellent EAL teachers. The work also does not involve riding.  A major difference with my program is the emphasis on safety. While many programs allow the horse to be “at liberty” (not having a halter or lead rope on), all of our activities are done with the horse under control. This in no way has a negative impact on the outcomes.

So, if you ever want to try something new and challenge yourself a little, try learning from the horse.                                                   

A teacher just waiting for you!

Final Horse Show

I last wrote about stretching our comfort zone. This summer, mine was stretched a long way by my riding instructor, Paulajean O’Neill. I have been taking care of the ribbons and trophies for her shows at New Boston Farm for the last two years. I also board my horse and have been taking riding lessons.

Last year, Paulajean was encouraging me to compete in the shows. I said, as a joke, “When the time comes that you offer a Walk Trot class for adults like you have for the little kids, I’ll ride.” I didn’t think any more of this statement until this spring when Paulajean announced that she had indeed added the adult walk trot class.

Fortunately, several of us ride together and we all decided to stretch oour comfort zones and compete. While I was very nervous about this, I am so glad that I did it. Now I am looking forward to improving over the winter so that I will be able to compete in regular flat classes next year.

This is what a coach can do for you. A Life Coach can help you stretch and achieve more than you think you can. Paulajean is not only my riding instructor but she also works with me to offer Equine Asisted Learning programs for corporations. She knows me well and knows exactly how to motivate me. As a Life Coach and trainer, I can only take others as far as I am willing to go myself. Who knows, maybe I will even be competing in jumping classes by next year.

Let me know how you are stretching your comfort zones! We all learn from each other and I really hope to hear from you.

Looking at Resolutions Again

We are all used to hearing everyone talk about their New Year’s Resolutions, which are generally not achieved, but there is a second time of year when I hear people again saying they are ready to make a change. It’s Springtime! I believe that as we see Mother Nature making her transformation, we believe in our own ability to transform.

Some people use this as a time to look back at the New Year’s resolution, for others it is a time to come up with something new. But what will increase your chance of being successful this time? Having a coach. Can you imagine one of the NFL teams without a coach? Do you think the Dallas Stars and the Detroit Red Wings would be battling on the ice right now if they didn’t have a coach? A Life Coach takes you from where you are now to where you want to be. Having someone to be accountable to can make all the difference. When I have worked with clients, quite often I find that they know exactly what they need to do, but they need that extra push and sometimes having someone who believes in them can also make the difference.

I’m working on physical fitness and I have a personal trainer to keep me on track. I also have a trainer for my riding. So, if you have some challenges that you would like to finally be able to overcome and succeed, consider having a Life coach at your side. It’s easier to go down the path with someone next to you.

Spring Fever!

Has anyone else caught a major case of Spring Fever? Today was a beautiful day and I only have one small pile of snow left to melt so I made a trip to Home Depot to just get some potting soil so I could get ready to plant some lettuce seeds. That was when the Spring fever hit!! I walked into the garden center and there were all those plants blooming. People were so excited about these wonderful signs of Spring. So, I got a little carried away and bought some perennials, lettuce plants, spinach plants and even two tomoato plants. Ok, so I am obvioulsy being way too optimistic about the weather. I came home and planted the perennials so I now have cheerful flowers to look at as I go in and out my door. Then I decided to check the weather report before actually putting the other plants into their containers on the deck. This week we will be having below normal temps and maybe even a mix of snow and rain. My plants are in containers, but the containers are just inside the sliding door. Unfortunately I may have to compete with the cats for my lettuce and spinach.

So, has anyone else gotten a little overly enthusiastic about Spring? Let me know. What says Spring for you? I’ll leave you with my newly planted flowers.

Stretch Your Comfort Zone

How many of you actually try to stretch your comfort zone in some way each day? As you may have noticed, I haven’t written a new post in a while. The reason? Writing is definitely a stretch of my comfort zone. I am happy to talk my way through any situation. But write? I dig my heels in and say an emphatic “no” to one and all who try to talk me into it.

I realized that I had been planning to address the issue of comfort zones and also realized that in order to be authentic with you all, I needed to admit that this is a stretch for me. At the same time, if I don’t write, I don’t have the opportunity to hear from all of you. So, I will try to stretch my comfort zone at least 3 times a week. Please help me to stay committed to this activity.

Now, for some of you, what I was able to do at the Miraval Spa and Resort in Tucson, would be a stretch. For me it was fun and a celebration. So I will leave you with these pictures. They do say a picture is worth a thousand words, so does this count as writing?

 

Remember, no matter what happens, just hang in there!

More Stress Busters

I would like to thank Becky for her great suggestion regarding shopping. Making a list before heading out will not only help you when you are shopping, but it can also keep you in your budget. It is so easy to get caught up in the shopping frenzy especially if we have a credit card in hand. Don’t let the holiday season end up being a  time of stress and even crisis in January when the bills come in. Acts of kindness are free to give and will mean more to the receiver than any materiel items you may purchase. What are your ideas?

Staying healthy during the holidays will also help to reduce stress. Why wait until January 1 to say “I’m going to get in shape”? Go ahead and start now. You can incorporate exercise into your life in a variety of ways. I work out with a personal trainer, Pam Tapley, who keeps me motivated and working hard. If you are in the Portland, Maine area, check out the Lifestyle Fitness Center www.lfcmaine.com It is a great gym and is open 24 hours a day so there is no excuse not to able to make time to work out.

What are ways of fitting exercise into your day?