Your Most Important Conversations

Who do you talk to the most every day? Your spouse? Your children? The boss? Your dog? The answer is that we spend the majority of time talking to ourselves. From the time we wake up in the morning, we have conversations running in our mind.

Are you aware of how those conversations influence your behavior and attitude? We can bring ourselves up or down be successful or fail all based on our self talk. When I hear a friend or client making a derogatory statement about themselves, I say, “I do not like hearing you talk that way about someone that I like and respect.” Their response is usually, “I wasn’t talking about someone else, I was just talking about myself.”  My point exactly. When you make a negative comment to yourself, ask if you would ever say that about your best friend. You wouldn’t because you would be aware of how it could negatively impact them. So why don’t we have the same concern and respect for ourselves?

Be aware of the tapes running in your mind. You can reprogram the negative to positive. It will make a change in your attitude and behavior.  The first step is to be aware. The second is to ask where did the statement come from? Are you repeating things you heard while growing up or is it more recent? Ask yourself if the statement is absolutely true? Then restate it as a positive.

Find times during the day to give yourself a pep talk. Each time you wash your hands tell yourself something positive. While at work, each time you get out of your chair, use that as a trigger to remember to give yourself some motivation. It takes practice, but over time you will notice the difference.

New Year’s Resolution

Did you make a New Year’s Resolution this year? If so you had a lot of comapny! Approximately 88% of Americans made resolutions. Unfortunately, by the end of the first week of January, 28% will have broken that resolution. 68% will be done within the first 3 months of the new year! Only 15% of those who make resolutions actually keep them for 1 year or more.

Why do so many people fail?

First you have to really want to accomplish what you say. It has to be your goal not one someone else made for you.

Second, it has to be clear. Use SMART goals – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time limited.

Third, and maybe most important, you need to share this goal with someone who will be able to support and hold you accountable to the completion. This is why so many people who are successful work with a coach.

As a coach, I help people to set realistic goals and I hold them accountable. I ask the hard questions that friends and family might not. I know when to challenge and when to support.

In my own life, I have a riding instructor, a personal trainer, and a business coach. I have set my goals for 2009 and I am confident these wonderful people in my life will make sure I am able to achieve them.

Don’t be part of the larger statistic. Achieve your goals and live the life you truly want! Make 2009 the year you will succeed at all you set forth to do!!

Equine Assisted Learning

How many of you are familiar with learning from horses? Probably not many, but it is a great form of training. It was recently featured on NPR much to my surprise. They were at a program in upstate New York. The lead in was “A new way to train corporate executives and it involves horses!”

Horses have an amazing ability to act a mirror for us. You can’t lie to the horse! I use horses to teach soft skills such as communication, leadership, problem solving, and team building. It is a great alternative for those companies who have tried the more traditional approach of the ropes course or other outdoor activities. Each activity with the horse can be directly related back to what is happening in the workplace which is an advantage over the other approaches.

All of the programs have one person who is the human facilitator and the other is a horse facilitator. I am very fortunate to have Paulajean O’Neill as the horse facilitator. She has years of experience with horses and training. Her horses have also demonstrated that they are excellent EAL teachers. The work also does not involve riding.  A major difference with my program is the emphasis on safety. While many programs allow the horse to be “at liberty” (not having a halter or lead rope on), all of our activities are done with the horse under control. This in no way has a negative impact on the outcomes.

So, if you ever want to try something new and challenge yourself a little, try learning from the horse.                                                   

A teacher just waiting for you!

Final Horse Show

I last wrote about stretching our comfort zone. This summer, mine was stretched a long way by my riding instructor, Paulajean O’Neill. I have been taking care of the ribbons and trophies for her shows at New Boston Farm for the last two years. I also board my horse and have been taking riding lessons.

Last year, Paulajean was encouraging me to compete in the shows. I said, as a joke, “When the time comes that you offer a Walk Trot class for adults like you have for the little kids, I’ll ride.” I didn’t think any more of this statement until this spring when Paulajean announced that she had indeed added the adult walk trot class.

Fortunately, several of us ride together and we all decided to stretch oour comfort zones and compete. While I was very nervous about this, I am so glad that I did it. Now I am looking forward to improving over the winter so that I will be able to compete in regular flat classes next year.

This is what a coach can do for you. A Life Coach can help you stretch and achieve more than you think you can. Paulajean is not only my riding instructor but she also works with me to offer Equine Asisted Learning programs for corporations. She knows me well and knows exactly how to motivate me. As a Life Coach and trainer, I can only take others as far as I am willing to go myself. Who knows, maybe I will even be competing in jumping classes by next year.

Let me know how you are stretching your comfort zones! We all learn from each other and I really hope to hear from you.

Looking at Resolutions Again

We are all used to hearing everyone talk about their New Year’s Resolutions, which are generally not achieved, but there is a second time of year when I hear people again saying they are ready to make a change. It’s Springtime! I believe that as we see Mother Nature making her transformation, we believe in our own ability to transform.

Some people use this as a time to look back at the New Year’s resolution, for others it is a time to come up with something new. But what will increase your chance of being successful this time? Having a coach. Can you imagine one of the NFL teams without a coach? Do you think the Dallas Stars and the Detroit Red Wings would be battling on the ice right now if they didn’t have a coach? A Life Coach takes you from where you are now to where you want to be. Having someone to be accountable to can make all the difference. When I have worked with clients, quite often I find that they know exactly what they need to do, but they need that extra push and sometimes having someone who believes in them can also make the difference.

I’m working on physical fitness and I have a personal trainer to keep me on track. I also have a trainer for my riding. So, if you have some challenges that you would like to finally be able to overcome and succeed, consider having a Life coach at your side. It’s easier to go down the path with someone next to you.

Spring Fever!

Has anyone else caught a major case of Spring Fever? Today was a beautiful day and I only have one small pile of snow left to melt so I made a trip to Home Depot to just get some potting soil so I could get ready to plant some lettuce seeds. That was when the Spring fever hit!! I walked into the garden center and there were all those plants blooming. People were so excited about these wonderful signs of Spring. So, I got a little carried away and bought some perennials, lettuce plants, spinach plants and even two tomoato plants. Ok, so I am obvioulsy being way too optimistic about the weather. I came home and planted the perennials so I now have cheerful flowers to look at as I go in and out my door. Then I decided to check the weather report before actually putting the other plants into their containers on the deck. This week we will be having below normal temps and maybe even a mix of snow and rain. My plants are in containers, but the containers are just inside the sliding door. Unfortunately I may have to compete with the cats for my lettuce and spinach.

So, has anyone else gotten a little overly enthusiastic about Spring? Let me know. What says Spring for you? I’ll leave you with my newly planted flowers.

Stretch Your Comfort Zone

How many of you actually try to stretch your comfort zone in some way each day? As you may have noticed, I haven’t written a new post in a while. The reason? Writing is definitely a stretch of my comfort zone. I am happy to talk my way through any situation. But write? I dig my heels in and say an emphatic “no” to one and all who try to talk me into it.

I realized that I had been planning to address the issue of comfort zones and also realized that in order to be authentic with you all, I needed to admit that this is a stretch for me. At the same time, if I don’t write, I don’t have the opportunity to hear from all of you. So, I will try to stretch my comfort zone at least 3 times a week. Please help me to stay committed to this activity.

Now, for some of you, what I was able to do at the Miraval Spa and Resort in Tucson, would be a stretch. For me it was fun and a celebration. So I will leave you with these pictures. They do say a picture is worth a thousand words, so does this count as writing?

 

Remember, no matter what happens, just hang in there!

More Stress Busters

I would like to thank Becky for her great suggestion regarding shopping. Making a list before heading out will not only help you when you are shopping, but it can also keep you in your budget. It is so easy to get caught up in the shopping frenzy especially if we have a credit card in hand. Don’t let the holiday season end up being a  time of stress and even crisis in January when the bills come in. Acts of kindness are free to give and will mean more to the receiver than any materiel items you may purchase. What are your ideas?

Staying healthy during the holidays will also help to reduce stress. Why wait until January 1 to say “I’m going to get in shape”? Go ahead and start now. You can incorporate exercise into your life in a variety of ways. I work out with a personal trainer, Pam Tapley, who keeps me motivated and working hard. If you are in the Portland, Maine area, check out the Lifestyle Fitness Center www.lfcmaine.com It is a great gym and is open 24 hours a day so there is no excuse not to able to make time to work out.

What are ways of fitting exercise into your day? 

Holiday Stress!

Holidays can be a major time of stress. They can also be an exciting and wonderful time. I think the one group of people, myself included, who may be more stressed are singles. It seems that it is more difficult to meet people and form new friendships today. My clients often say they are not interested in the bar scene, it may be inappropriate for them to socialize with people from work, so what can you do?

I am offering one solution for those in the Maine, New Hampshire, or Massachusetts area which is an afternoon of making new friends through an Equine Assisted Learning program. You will get to meet new friends, learn your communication style, problem solving and all this while interacting with a great group of horses! There is no riding involved so you don’t need any prior experience around horses. Being in a group activity makes it easier to get to know each other and it should be a fun afternoon.

Another one of my stress busters is ballroom dancing! Did anyone watch the finale episode of Dancing With the Stars last night? Dancing is a great way to socialize, get exercise (did you notice Marie Osmond’s weight loss?), and it is an activity you can share as a couple or if you’re single, don’t worry because most studios will be happy to accommodate you. If you live in Southern Maine, check out the Maplewood Dance Center (www.maplewooddancecenter.com). I go on Friday nights and can feel like Ginger Rogers for a few hours.

These are just a couple of ideas. I would love to hear from you how you are handling stress during the holidays!